I've been horrible at this.

Lately, I have been ignoring my blog on here and on Tumblr. Just posting little things here and there but it's mostly a picture blog.

I don't want that anymore. I used to be so wonderful at my written word. I need to get back into it.

Tigerlily is already 10 months old as of 4 days ago. I can't believe it and I think I've done a terrible job at reporting her growth and new accomplishments. I've written it all down in her baby book and her journal her daddy and I made for her since pregnancy...but I'd like to have it all on here for back-up. Ugh.

So I'm starting over. It's happening. NOW.

Tini Tuesday

Here are some of the tini bits of our day here in the tipi :)

4/20/12 Tigerlily 6 mos. old!

• Tigerlily and I grooved to some Devendra Banhart! We were getting mama squaw all pumped up for May 23rd, when I will be seeing him play solo! Let's just say The chief and I are super excited, and wish we could bring along our little papoose but, she'll have a great night with her Nana!
• We had a great time sitting out in the back yard getting some fresh air, mama was doing some laundry and Tigre laid on a blanket observing the pretty trees and getting curious yet again with the grass, and its little critters.
• Nana picked us up to visit my Uncle Sal from up north in Pleasanton! He brought the little flower a gift from him, cousin Maddy and aunt Marlisa! Thank you! xoxo
• Also, this past weekend Tigerlily turned 6 months old! Where did the time go?! We celebrated with a small party with family and friends! I will be doing an update on that later once we get some pictures ready! Happy Birthday my little wildflower, we love you!
  

Bits & Pieces

hang me up to dry

Today is Palm Sunday we didn't make it to church today (horrible i know) but we did get some rest and happened to get our cloth diapers clean! great day for the sun and the breeze and of course, drying on the line :) Tigerlily decided to help along with her daddy.

a little friend

the ladybug and the piggies

helping mama out

curious and curiouser

going for a grab

daddy and his instagram

this is my backyard mom

Dear Tigerlily,

16 weeks 4 days

18 weeks 4 days

Today, a year ago, I was 7 weeks pregnant with you. I found out about you at 6 weeks, I’m a week late forgive me, time flies so quickly…

Daddy and I cried when we found out about you.

We knew what we learned in Sex-Ed, we knew from the sore boobs, missed period and constant lemon cravings. We knew we had an addition to our little love nest on the way. We walked into that doctor asking only one simple question in our heads and "Am I pregnant?" was not one of them. It was, "Is my baby healthy?" and "CAN WE FIND OUT RIGHT NOW IF IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL!?" Which....we knew we couldn't but, it was worth a try.

One Lemon Arizona Tea, and 6 pregnancy tests later....you were official. The doctor looked at me and said "You are pregnant, and your about 6 weeks along. What are your plans?"

"What are my plans?" I said. "I'm going to have a baby." Proudly.

Zip. Done. Fin. And that was that, you were here, I was here, Daddy was here, and here was perfect. My little love nest was growing, and what more could anyone want? An addition to happiness, a tiny version of the one you love. A tiny little version, with tiny little toes, and tiny little hands. You my love were already perfect, you were already greatly loved, you were already very much welcome in my arms. But most of all, you were mine.

Here comes the big part...telling your daddy. The curious young man, who once was a boy. No, no, who once was a hellion of a boy and turned my world upside down and made my heart jump to the moon once he drifted into my life. The young man, whom I loved, who was twiddling his fingers in anticipation to hear those two simple yet, life-changing words fall from my mouth. And so, I walked. I walked calmly, not trying to grin from ear-to-ear to give it away, but enough to say, "It'll be okay my love, we're going to do this together and we're going to do it beautifully."

I grabbed his hand and we walked outside, and leaning on our car in a half hug/standing position, to where I could see perfectly into his eyes, I laid it on him, like a first kiss.

"We're going to have a baby, I'm 6 weeks along."  and he did what I thought he would do. He smiled.

I saw that little hellion of a boy, who grew into a young man turn into an expectant daddy in that moment. It was beautiful, and I'll never forget his smirk and the look of relief on his face.

He held me tight and cried. I cried. We were one big mess of emotions and for about 10 minutes, we stood there hugging in the middle of the parking lot. Crying. We knew things would change, we knew we had to tell everyone. We knew in about 9 months we were going to welcome the most beautiful gift God could ever give us.

Your daddy kissed my tummy and couldn’t wait to meet his little girl, he knew right away, you were a Tigerlily. He wanted a little girl so bad. He dreamt of having a little me one day, with my native almond eyes, my joker-smile and long dark curly hair. At first, I wanted a little boy. I thought it would be fun to run around in the backyard and do what I do best, play soccer…and with my son. I was a tomboy growing up. I played sports, I wrestled, I fought the boys, I was ready for a little man because I thought it was what I could do best. I had dreams of calling out my sons name in the backyard from digging up worms and eating weird bugs.  I wanted my little Wolfgang Harmony.


But, you were definitely not a boy. God had other plans for me, and you. He is the one who decides fate.

You were my fate.

The day I found out you were a sweet baby girl my life was complete. I was 16 weeks on the dot. I had no idea how excited I would be for a little me until that day. I just imagined your face over and over and I never imagined you to be this beautiful, God blessed me with that wonderful gift of surprise and that's the best part. I knew you would look like your Papa Bear. I could tell from your 24-week sonogram, you had his bushy eyebrows from the Lague french genes, his head shape and I could just see so much of him in you, I could feel it. Hearing your heartbeat for the first time was wonderful,it was the drum beat behind every song I heard, the lullaby to my nights. It proved that you were indeed resting your tiny little head in my tummy. It was beautiful.

It was wonderful, frightening and all together a wonder of love that I had inside me that day. I was waiting so patiently to see how this adventure would begin. How I would be as a mother, how your daddy would be holding you for the first time, how nervous I would be to change your diaper and not to break you. I traveled 9 months with my ever-growing tummy dreaming of what would come.

It has and will be the most beautiful, ever-growing journey I’ll ever go through. It has been more then I could imagine in those late-night dreams. It's euphoric.

Thank you my love, for making my life so much more meaningful, so much more beautiful and showing me the true meaning of love. Thank you for smiling at me and making me feel wonderful, thank you for the cuddles and the kisses. Thank you for being mine.

You are forever wonderful my little flower.
I love you. I love you. I love you.

For now, forever, for on and on and on...

You wanna go to the Seaside?

Nothing like the joy mama gets from sandy, salty baby feet

Tigerlily and her west coast smiles

PCH

Moby Wrap kisses from Mama

I call them my "twins"

Oceanside Pier

Yesterday we decided to take an "spur-of-the-moment" trip to Oceanside Beach. It was our first time going with Tigerlily and we were excited to see her reaction to the seaside. It's one of our favorite beaches and we had a bit of a flashback, to when she was in my tummy at Cody and I's wedding. This time around, she got to feel the sand in her feet and smell the salty air. Let's just say she LOVED it. I was happy to see she didn't cry at the sand or chilly water, even though she raised her little legs out when her toes dipped in, silly girl! It was a proud moment of truth knowing that my baby is a true water turtle, we both share a peace in this beautiful place. Cody wrote our names in the sand along with the date and took pictures of us all enjoying our time. When it got a bit chilly we decided to visit my sister Lisa, her hubby Troy and my nephews Jared and Jacob. I see them every couple of weekends when they have time to travel a 2 hour trip, but it was nice to see them in a weekday. They took us to the Oceanside Market Night, and as first timers this was an event. Tigerlily couldn't stop staring at all the lights and smiled every so often at things or people passing by. I saw some neat things as well, handmade crafts, Soy candles, some tasteful dresses, and SEA SALT CHOCOLATE COVERED TOFFEE. That had to be my favorite, it was so scrumptious. I had some Filipino like egg rolls called Lumpia, Cody had Fish Tacos and my sister and her boys indulged in Pizza and grilled Artichokes. SO GOOD. We had a great day exploring and ended our day with some cuddles at my sister's house for the night. Awesome day and a well needed family adventure.

Good Changes

I have decided to move my writings, my photos, my life from Tumblr to Blogger. My decisions have made me feel that this is more "writer" friendly, more easier, more to record my memories, history and small moments of time. I will be posting this to my Tumblr, and will go on there still, but feel this is more of what I needed. I can't wait for this good change. I'll post some things in awhile, I have to decide exactly what my first official post should be, I am very very excited to join this new...Family.